She said goodbye too many times before.

It seems like just yesterday when I first stepped into Ramjas, got scandalized and ran in the opposite direction. I didn't go to college for a good two weeks and even for months I was convinced that I would get admission in a different college. But fate is a funny thing. Fate? Something I'm not sure I really believe in. I think we lead ourselves to believe that some other power controls us, just to give ourselves the assurance that every day is just a piece of the puzzle, the puzzle that fate or destiny has made for us. Three years later, the feeling that college is over hasn't really sunk in. For one, we all are again at crossroads of life, trying to figure out what to do next and preparing ourselves to face the big bad world. I've been so caught up in deciding my plans for the future that I haven't really had time to think that college is over. The college and people I have come to love in these three short years are going to be left behind.

Change. We all hate it, don't we? Try so desperately to hold onto time, refusing to move on. We fear it, fight it. But we all have to adapt to it. Stepping into Ramjas was tough but I never imagined that stepping out of it would me so much more worse. I think of college and I see myself sitting in fag lane, wasting time, talking about just anything. If someone had told me three years ago that I would meet people in the halls of these very college that would change me, I would have called you a fool. But thats the funny thing about time, tends to prove us wrong. First came dramatics, and with it our play, Fools. I am filled with memories when I think of fools and of Kanpur. Sophia, Lenya, Japanese guy, Agra boy, Mumma bear. These friendships would never have formed if it weren't for that one week in Kanpur. Those late nights in SAC and those morning walks and photographs have given me memories for life.

Then came SAESM and with it Rishikesh, three amazing days with beautiful weather have again given me friend's from all over South Asia, college has been such a mixed bag of experiences and just one post on this blog shall not to justice to it. But today was the last day of college and my tearing up and I'm just totally overwhelmed with memories.

Ramjas gave me Nikita.Aakash.Rashi.Raja.Jatin.Shivam.Priyank.Sanchi.Uday.and sooo many more. Ramjas will remain really special to me and I for one am terrible at saying goodbye's so this is a start.

It's a Wo(MAN)'s world.

I have been a feminist since I can remember. If someone told me that I couldn't do something because I was a 'girl', I made sure I did it. I learnt Karate for 3 years and I don't want to blow my own trumpet, but I have broken bricks and glass (I have pictures to prove it). What I'm trying to say is, I have always been at par with the men around me and I'm used to that. I firmly disagree when people say that we are the weaker sex. What annoys me most are male chauvinists, they make me want to rip their skin off and beat them with it! (I'm usually not that violent but this is something that really, really annoys me). I guess you've got the basic idea about where I'm going with this.

I've been driving for over two years now and I'm a pretty good driver if I say so myself. I've never been fined for driving and I haven't been in any major accidents which is an achievement in itself (you would agree if you've ever driven on Delhi roads). So basically, it just makes my skin crawl when some men say that women are handicapped behind the wheel. According to them, women should just sit in the passenger seat and look pretty while they brave the traffic monster on the road. I’m not saying that all women are perfect drivers, but I find it ridiculous when it is a man’s fault on the road and he refuses to accept it because he believes that he has been blessed with magical driving powers just by the virtue of being a man and the poor woman driver’s brain is just way too small to contain the difference between a clutch and a break. It’s just RIDICULOUS! My ex believes that it has been ‘scientifically proved’ that reflexes of men are faster which obviously makes them better drivers. I think this is all a piece of shit, justlikehim.

A couple month’s back I met my friend’s flat mate on his birthday and I had the unfortunate luck of driving with him to pick up a few things for the party. It was a twenty minute drive and throughout that time he constantly kept criticizing my driving, my sense of direction and said that I lacked respect for my car. I wanted to drop him off on a highway in the middle of the night and drive off at full speed. I controlled my natural instinct to abuse him profusely and politely told him to shut his pie whole. He kept saying, and mind you, this is a direct quote, “You have been living in Noida for four years right? Wow! And you know the way to the market? That is very impressive. I’m not trying to be mean but whenever I see someone breaking traffic rules on the road; I always assume that it’s a woman.” I fail to understand why men have these preconceived notions about women and find it against their manhood to admit their fault on the road. The same guy got drunk that night and almost crashed my car, I’m just saying.

Yesterday I was driving my sister to the mall when a man came on a scooter from the wrong direction, almost crashed into my car and started shouting, ‘Females can’t drive’. Hello! Need I point out that you are on the wrong side of the road?!. I wanted to get out the car and give him a piece of my mind but then I wonder, what the point of it would be. Some men have become so rigid in their thinking that they refuse to admit their faults, and women continue to take the blame for their foolishness. It’s a sad world we live in.

Upside down world.

Yes, It indeed is one of those I-shouldn't-have-gotten-out-of-the-bed days. What makes it worse is that it's a Sunday! I feel like I'm trapped in a square box and have been cursed to run in circles. Weird.

I have these purple coloured shorts which I adore. I wear them when I'm sad. I wear them when I'm ecstatic. I wear them when I feel loved. I wear them when I feel down in the dumps.. you get the point right? They came out of the drier today, and long story short, they are ruined! :(

Mom got me this tee the other day that says, "Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore", and um... I spilled oil on it. Ugh! Why am I so clumsy?!!
Also, birthday is less then two weeks away and I don't have anything planned.

So the thing is, I've been trying to lose some extra killos and mom dad are NOT helping!
I tell dad that I'm on a diet and he hears, lets order butter chicken!

This is what happened in the evening today..

Mom: Do you wanna have a samosa and dhokla?
Me: Mumma... I'm on a diet.
Mom: So... ya?
Me: Mom!!!!

Ya, I know. Mom dad are funny :P

Rakhi was last week and my cupboard is full of chocolates and kitchen is full of my favorite sweets. And mom makes it a point to offer me rasgullas after every meal! Limit!!

September is around the corner.. and so are the new seasons on HIMYM, Grey's Anatomy, Castle, Desperate Housewives and 90201. I can't wait! :D :D

Also, the department trip happens in September. (Barney styles) Right? Right?! WRONG!
Because an obscene amount of freshers (144! I know!!) turned up this year the faculty is not ready to take the responsibility of the trip. So, NO trip this year.
Do I really need to add more?!!

Everywhere You Go You Always Take The Weather With You

No, Bombay did not work out, but I'm all set for a vacation in Hong Kong this October. :)


College started a month back and for the first time I feel that I'm actually studying. First year's result was not upto my expectations, but second year, watch out! We have classes everyday from 8:40 every morning (I know, that sucks) and tuitions in the campus itself and along with that, danceworx twice a week leaves me with hardly any free time. Also, I got promoted (No, I'm not talking about college :-/). I'm in Basic Elementary now which is so not a cake walk.


Me and the better half FINALLY got our certificates from NCAER :)

It's been raining like crazy and for a change, our very own noisy and dirty Delhi looks bearable and maybe a little appealing on some occasions.. The amazing weather has put me in such a wonderful mood.. I smile all day long without any reason (well, maybe i do have a small reason). Life is good and my birthday is around the corner.

P.s. I love surprises, take a hint ;)

BOMBay ..

I'm sooo excited. I need to do something to get a little excitement out of me..

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


*Ahem*

*Comes back to senses*


The weather is beautiful. It's been drizzling since evening and I'm in the most perfect mood.

Reason?

I was sitting on the hammock in my lawn, rocking it back and forth when I randomly asked mom if I could go to Bombay.

5 hours later.. the plan is all set!!

Beaches. Booze. Snaps. Shopping. Sea food. Booze. FUN!!

Some very few minor things need to be paid attention. But if all goes well..

Bombay, here we come!!! :) :)

Misty eyed.

I'm going through a health crises. No, nothing to worry about, but one thing is happening after another and it's taking a toll on my patience.

Thursday.
Got severe stomach cramps and had to leave from British council in the middle of the class because I was on the verge of a break down.
By evening, I started feeling better, but by night I had developed a cold. Stupid heat stroke. :'(

Friday.
Cold had taken a bad turn and was accompanied by his companion, cough.

Saturday.
Head ache joins cough and cold in their attempt to make my life miserable, but sadly, I couldn't be defeated.

Sunday.
Cold is STILL there, and I've *Achooooched* like a hundred times while typing this.
ALSO, I sprained my left arm during dance class. Must have stretched too much, and now it's hurting like crazy!! :(


And apparently, crying is not helping the cold.. :( :(

Living life a day at a time.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday...

I agree with the Beatles when they say that they believe in yesterday. I too dwell in the past...
"Yaar, yaad hai jab humara vo mcdeez waala get together hua tha...?"

"Don't you remember? That angry face and kiss face was supposed to be our thing!!"

There is no end to these memories.. and I don't mean in a bad sense. It's good to remember all the happy times of our past.. every today is going to be a yesterday tomorrow.. and we make memories every minute of our life.

Here comes the philosophical bug.. I find this side of mine really annoying!

Anyway, so a month of vacations is already over. Cut off lists are going to be out soon, and I can't wait to see whats in store for the current batch! Well, what can I say.. the ocean does seem like a pond once you are on the other side.. :)

The danceworx classes are going on.. leaving me sore every monday morning. On a not so interesting note, I've joined NCAER ( National Council for Applied Economics Reserch) *YAWWWN*
Me and the better half are working on a project on... wait for it... Micro Finance! (Was just trying to add a little thrill to the otherwise boring situation we have gotten ourselves into). The only consolation is the Certificate that we shall get by the end of this.
Sitting in the eerie library me and the better half were lost in thoughts over how our dreams of Mumbai Beat's like office were over :(.. Maybe as "Economics students" we are now destined to explore libraries and do research work! If you ask me for my honest opinion, it makes me wanna puke!!!

*Deep breath inhale.. breath out..*

Certificate.Certificate.Certificate.

This is going to keep us going! :P


About that journo thing, applied at several places, no luck :(
They just want mass comm students. Open discrimination if you ask me! Anyway, might hear from PTI, keeping my fingers crossed!



On a completely different note,
Just got done with all the seasons of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy.. Loved every bit of every season. Can't wait for the next seasons.. gonna come sometime in September I guess. Next stop, LOST! :D

Oh. And guess what? I got hate mail! :P
Was really disturbing at first, but the more I think about it now, the more amusing it sounds.


And on a completely random note,
I'm craving Tiramisu!

Life is good again..!!

Good is an understatement. Life is great. Better than great.. what is better than great? It's-my-Super-awesome-life! :P


So much enthusiasm is gonna give my poor blog constipation. It's used to my cribbing and near suicidal posts. So this one is going to come as a major surprise, a good surprise I hope :)

My baby.. I've missed you! You're gonna turn 3 soon and I have been so unfaithful to you. I hardly ever write, and I break my promises of being regular- every time!So.. I can understand if you're upset. [ ..and reader, I can totally understand if you think I'm crazy] But I promise you, you are going to a see a lot more of me from now on. [Note to self: Update blog regularly or else the very few people who follow it might just disappear]

My love for life is overflowing and is finding it's way of expression through this post.. So, the good news is.. B.A. (hons) Economics, Ist Year is.. OVER! [ My ghost will haunt you forever if you even dare to ask how the exams went]
Yes, the finals FINALLY ended today after torturing me for over a month. I'm free for another two months now. First year is over. This is gonna take some time to sink in.. This year has passed in such a blur but it wouldn't have been so amazing without N and R sitting by my side gulping down Gin and Tonic.. :) I love you guys! Now we are going to become seniors, and we are going to kick some Ass!


The afternoon was spent planning trips.. Mussoorie is on top of the list for holiday options. I really hope it works out.
Have a lot to do now. All the pending stuff from catching up with my loser best friends to redecorating the room are going to see fulfillment now.!

So.. gonna end this one with a huge smile. :)

The month that has no 29th.

Just warning you. This is going to be a sad entry. It's going to be a sad, sad, depressing entry.



2009 was wonderful, 2010, not so much. Two months into this year and I'm hating it already. Life has taken a 360 degree turn. So many people, who are so close to me, have let me down. Me being one of them. I've changed. I was hurt,emotionally of course.. so I took to hurting people, hating people. People who mean the world to me; people who are my family, other than my family. I don't know why, but I thought that if I was mean and rude and hurtful, I wouldn't feel my own pain. That if I made someone cry, maybe I wouldn't cry so much.

But, I recovered. I went to the dark side, through the tunnel and came out. I got through entire days without crying. I made up with people I had shut out. I mended myself.. cus no matter how cheesy it might sound, after everything, life moves on.

She got me through this. Cried when I was low. Hugged me when I couldn't take it anymore. She's my best friend. And she got me through this. She is one person who I couldn't shut out. She knows it's her, the entire world doesn't need to know.

But this wasn't enough. Mending was temporary. Because things are falling apart again. Things I have absolutely no control over. Things I'm way too young to imagine could even happen. Things that have nothing to do with me, and are still affecting me. Two days of joy are over again.

I wanna go back to simpler times. To the time when I got up, read your message and knew that the day was going to be wonderful, no matter how many crappy things happened. To the time when I was just me and you were just you and there weren't all these complications.To a time when we fought and no matter what happened, you made sure that I knew that you would come back. But I am no longer who I was. You have changed, or that's what you say. Sounds silly, immature maybe. I don't want all this. I wanna go back to the 12th of February 2010. When we three were just a bunch of dumb 18 year old's knowing that our friendship was going to last forever.

It's not the same anymore. But I just want the two of you to know that I love you. That no matter how hard it gets, I'll be there. Longer than forever.

Those few words.

There is a paper thin wall that separates us.
Me and them.
The ghosts of my past; maybe just the shadow of the future.
I don't know, I never will.
Light i demand, 'cus they say light will take them away.
They say I won't see them when the sun shines.
But deep down I know they are still there.
The shadow.
It lingers over me as I fight to sleep.
It surrounds me like a cloud.
So I wish for rain, to take it away.
Because they say that once it rains, the cloud will be gone.
But deep down i know, it will come back again.
Hope. Dream. Forever.
Mere words or maybe more. Who knows? Who will ever know?
They mean something to you, nothing to me perhaps.
Do I really want them to go? The ghosts.
Am I so afraid of being alone?